Here I am in the boat with another storm on the horizon

WOW! I have truly decided that if it isn't one thing it is going to be 1,000. On Monday we found out the gender of our newest family member and KP passed this bear of a certification exam. THis should have left us jumping for joy with all the good news (especially given that we were able to get the roof fixed for very little money on top of it) and then the bottom falls out again. Healthsouth (the company he works for) made an announcement that they are selling off 3/4 of their company over the next year (a vague-ish time frame but the only one given) and wouldn't you know it - Kevin coordinates all of IT for one of those divisions. When asked about jobs for the current employees this was the basic response --- we want everyone to continue to work hard on all projects so that we can get the best price for each division and maybe the buyers can incorporate some of those employees and if not maybe we can find alternate employment within Healthsouth but we won't be able to say for sure until that time. So basically ... go work and make us the most money you can and you might or might not have a job in the next week to year. He wasn't in the office Monday and started talking to higher up's yesterday and basically it's a 50/50 split whether he'll continue to be employeed. I mean honestly he could go in tomorrow (or next week or next month ...) and be told to clean out his desk and he might get a severance package, and then again he might have a job with them for the next few years --- neither scenario would surprise us right now.

I am trying so hard to not stress this. I truly believe that we are in this position because it is where God wants us to be but this one is hard. You know it's funny - I didn't worry at all last year when he was out of a job for 7 months (after he left Stockamp before he picked up with Healthsouth) but this time I am finding it really difficult to let it go. I believe that we are here for whatever reason HE has and that we will land in a good place but the bad part is that "I" want to stay here in B'ham and in this house - I am happy here. This is the happiest I can remember being and I want to raise my children here. This is a great area, great neighborhood and great house for kids - Kevin has been more relaxed and happy here than I have ever known him and thus so have I. I am praying about this constantly - praying for peace, for forgiveness when I pick this problem up and fuss over it like a worry stone and asking, if possible, can we please remain here and Kevin not have to travel. KP doesn't want me working right now - with 2 little ones 18 months apart it would be so difficult so it is all on him. He does have the option of taking a traveling position and would earn a great income but he would be gone and that is NOT worth it to me - I would rather have tight money and him home than the other way around.

Part of me sees these other families doing the daily thing and being bored with it and I long to ever have that level of familiarity with the daily grind with a family. The grocery shopping, house cleaning, cooking for the family, everyone at the table for dinner every night, and then as the kids get older - baseball/football/soccer (whatever) games and so on. It just seems that a lack of turmoil may never be part of our existance - that the only peace we may ever have may truly be in the eye of the storm. I mean it's just been a series of employment uncertainty, deaths, moving and so on and so on. I guess this is me playing the 'poor pitiful me' thing - and if so I need to just get over it. But boy do I long for the days when I am actually tired of cooking dinner for the family and am use to seeing my husband at night ( - not that I really want this part to go away as I still am absolutely giddy every night that he is home - I hate leaving when he's here I love being near him so much) and seeing my kid(s).

I am still listening to my teaching on complaining, fault-finding, tale-bearing and am going to continue this until it is a repetative thing in my head. I know that if I complain about my position I will remain in it - that the only way through this storm (and all situations) is to put my faith in God and trust the outcome to be the best for us. To be thankful for the gifts/blessings I have (and I am more than I could ever express and say so many times a day) and to be thankful for the trials as this is where I grow and learn. The problem is that I want a lull between my trials --- that is my flesh but it is screaming out 'for pete's sake can't we even get through what's in front of us before a new one pops up'. I am just grumping .. I should go.

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