A sunny post???

Well, here we are a week later and a tad more sleep so - perhaps, a bit better mood and sunnier disposition. I did submit my resume to Children's Harbor but, so far, haven't heard anything from them. I am planning on sending them a follow-up email (that's how we're communicating at this point). To be honest, that just capitolizes on things that have been running through my mind lately- all that I have walked away from with this move. Don' t get me wrong the move has been wonderful for the family - KP's NEVER been happier, our marriage is stronger than ever, mom and I get along wonderfully, Garrett is thriving and Braden is here. I just feel that I have given up so much of what I've always wanted to make this happen. I gave up the degree I've always wanted for my kids - now it was because I felt that I wouldn't have been a good mom if I had tried to do it while they were so little and I still feel that way, but it does cross my mind that if I had stayed in my program I would be done with my studies and working on my dissertation at this point (I think what stopped me cold was realizing there was no answer to give when God asked me how I justified forsaking my children for my career when i got to heaven because that is what I would have had to do). Then there is the great little career I had carved out in Cobb County - I really liked my job and feel that it's probably unlikely that I'll find something remotely similiar here. I'm also feeling a little like my close friendships have pretty much been stripped from my life as well. The only person I talk to with any regularity is mom. Even friendships I have maintained most of my life are distant to me now - it's not that either side has necessarily pulled away that just seems to be the state of affairs right now.

I guess I just need to stop feeling a tad sorry for myself by looking at what is not, and just give it up to Him and go on with things. He is in control of my life and there is a very good reason I am where I am right now - He knows what it is and is probably just waiting on me to figure it out. To be honest I haven't been praying much lately, nor have I been reading the bible or doing anything of real value or purpose. I'm still a bit in the 'survival' mode with 2 very small ones and that tends to take most of my days. I'm also off meds (have been for a couple of months) and am wondering if that is making a difference in my mental state or if it really is just the sleep thing (I have taken Wellbutrin for a few years - it really did balance my moods and keep me more even keeled). I guess what I really need to do is go to church (we haven't been in a while - KP actually went for about a month so that is huge) and begin praying. I am thinking of getting involved with MOPS (mothers of pre schoolers) - it is a a religious-based mom support group that does bible studies and such. I've thought about getting in touch with them for a while but, honestly, I was so overwhelmed with being pregnant with Braden and then having Braden and getting through it all, that it just wore me out to think about taking on anything new.

Ok ... so maybe "sunny" isn't how I might term my disposition today. Maybe tomorrow.
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