Children ...

Thoughts of children keep circling in my head. I want more children (sometimes want tons of them) but the thought of having to be pregnant again right now just isn't appealing to me. It frustrates me that I will have to go through 3 complete pregnancies to get 2 living children. I just spent 18 out of 21 straight months pregnant to get Garrett (and he was worth every minute) but I am just now really feeling like me again, and honestly, I just don't want to give that up just yet. The problem is that I am not getting any younger so I know our window is closing. Add to that the fact that I'm already a high risk pregnant person so the longer I wait and the older I get the higher that risk rises. The bottom line is that I just don't think I can make it through burying another child. There is always adoption and this is what we initially wanted to do and I guess we could start looking into that. I just don't know. I know the right answer is to pray on it and turn it over and let God take it where he wants it to go, and that's what I'll ultimately do, but the control part of me wants to obsess on it right now. a